Friday, April 24, 2009

The End Is In Sight

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, the end of my troubles and woes is close. I talked to my contact at the state board of nursing today. All of my paperwork has arrived and they have a meeting scheduled for May 4th to review my application. They will make a decision about my ability to be an RN at this meeting and I will know the results within a week. I'm so relieved that there is an end to this mess.

Over a month ago, when I thought things were hopeless and there was no end in sight, Matt gave me a blessing. The Lord blessed me that my schooling wouldn't be in vain and that I would get the desires of my heart. To me that translated to the fact that I will become an RN. What else can I do with a bachelors in nursing but be a nurse? Not much. Now I have to really prepare myself to take the state boards so I can pass the first time and put this crap behind me. So hopefully, in about a month, I will be a licensed RN.

I'm so relieved that it's almost over. Knowing the date the state board will review my application and brings me great release. I think the worst part about waiting is not knowing how long you are going to have to wait. It kills you. Now that I have a deadline I feel much better. Then I can bore you on my blog with nursing stories instead of my almost nursing woes. Wish me good luck.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Becoming Like Little Children

I am reading in Mosiah 3 about how we are supposed to become as little children to be saved (v.18). I was thinking about that this morning ad I went to church. Matt and I both got up late for church - it starts at 10:30am but I was just getting into the shower at 10am and Matt was just stumbling out of bed. We had a fight about going to church. It ended up that Matt stayed home and I went to sacrament meeting without a shower (yes, I put on clean underwear). I have Will the choice to stay home with Daddy or go to church with Mommy. He wanted to go to church. He was excited. He even stood still so I could put his shoes on, which is usually a HUGE fight because he hates putting shoes on.

When we got to church he was very excited. Sacrament meeting was exceptionally good, with a new senior missionary couple talking about the Atonement. It was a random thought, but as I was listening, the thought came to me about being like a little child. I thought about how excited Will was to come to church and how, given the choice of church or home, he chose to come to church. He LOVES to sing the hymns too. Sometimes I get annoyed at the organist and hymn leader in our ward because if the hymn has several verses that are underneath the music, we will sing those too. So, instead of singing the 3-4 verses we all know, we have to sing the 2-3 more, weird and obscure verses as well. That can really make the Sacrament hymn (which is already too slow because of the nature of the hymn) seem to last FOREVER. I love to sing but I get so annoyed when we sing more verses than I had planned, that I often don't sing the extra verses. I was thinking about the joy that William got out of singing they hymns and how I should be more like him. He takes a book, it doesn't have to be a hymnal, and opens it up and sings. It's off key and usually not real words, but I know the Lord loves and appreciates his joyful noise.

I was also thinking about how Will is so good a bowing his head and folding his arms to pray. If you tell him we are going to pray, he does those things automatically and with great joy. I love praying with him because he gets excited. He also gets easily distracted, but he's 2, so it's ok.

Another way that we can be like the little children is a few nights ago Will and I were watching TV and out of the blue he brought me his Illustrated Book of Mormon stories book and wanted to read. We read quite a bit and he was just fascinated. I struggle to read my Book of Mormon, even though I enjoy reading it once I get into it. Children are amazing. Will is already so knowledgeable about the Gospel. He loves to go to church, especially nursery. He loves to sing and read his Book of Mormon. He also recognizes pictures of Jesus in church and in his Book of Mormon. I worry about not teaching him well or not being a good enough example. I am learning that the Lord won't let Will suffer for my imperfections as long as I am striving to teach him.

I thought kids were just to help us learn patience. Boy was I wrong. Studying the behavior of children - our own or someone else's- teaches us what Christ meant when he told us to be like the little children. I am so lucky to have the gospel and to have such a beautiful family.

Monday, April 13, 2009

Patience Is A Virtue

I realize that patience is a virtue. It's even my favorite line from The Mummy. Rachel Weis says "Patience is a virtue" in a sing song voice, and Brendan Frazier says "Not right now it isn't". I love that for reasons totally beyond me. I am learning that patience is a virtue that takes lots of practice to acquire, and I am not there yet.

I am STILL waiting for my authorization to test from the state board of nursing. I drove down to Washburn, MO three weeks ago and pick up the stupid court letter from the court. I had a big fight with the lady that was supposed to be writing me a letter saying that there are no court documents relating to me. She said she wrote a letter in Feb and mailed it but I never got it. She conveniently didn't save the letter and then was too busy to write me another one. I finally asked if I could come pick it up. She said she was too busy to write the letter and a phone fight followed, with me crying and yelling and she throwing accusations at me. Finally she agreed to let me come pick up the letter the next day. The next day, I called to get directions on exactly where the courthouse was and the woman who wrote the letter had called in sick. I guess she was too busy to write my one sentence letter (because that is all it was) but not too busy to call in sick. I picked up the letter and overnighted it to the state. I thought that was the end of it, but NO. They are waiting on paperwork from the state board of education which will say the same thing as the court letter, which is basically we have no record of any disciplinary action being taken. I'm so annoyed. After they get the stuff from the education board then the board of nursing gets to decide if I get to take my RN test or not.

Meanwhile, at work you only have 90 days from your graduation date to take and pass your test or you cannot work as a nurse until you pass the test. My 90 days is almost up. They were going to put me on a leave of absence, which would have required me to get a different job because we cannot live without money. However, HR reviewed my case and decided to be benevolent and allow me to work. I am back to working as a tech and i'm making $10.00 less than I was as a nurse and I have had to explain to everyone why i'm not working as a nurse. It has been a humbling experience.

It has only been two weeks since I have been working as a tech, but I remember why I went to nursing school. Tech's are invaluable, and I don't want to be one anymore. I went to school to be a nurse and I WANT TO BE A NURSE!! I'm trying to be patient, but it is not one of my virtues. The Lord is teaching me to be patient. Maybe He's trying to teach me this now so that when our next child comes, we will have more patience. Who knows. All I know is that i'm not very good at it, but I am grateful to have a job and for the lessons I am learning.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

What I Have Learned the Last Few Weeks

1. It's ok to die at 94 years old. Your family will miss you but you have lived a good life and your family will understand.

2. Maybe my view of death is different from other people's because I have the fullness of the gospel and better understand what is waiting for us.

3. ALWAYS wait for your hairdresser and don't settle for substitutes.

4. Purple highlights may not be appropriate if I am following the gospel standards of modest dress and apperance, but they sure do grow on you. I like my hair (except for the cut).

5. Sometimes the doctor cannot fix you back the way you want. My aunt, about 1.5 weeks after her mother died, had her leg amputated above the knee because it was the only option.

6. Bad stuff really does come in threes. Gar died, Aunt Carol lost her leg, I cannot work as a nurse until I get my test taken. (Oh, and I got a bad haircut, but i'm not sure that counts).

7. The Lord gives us trials for a reason. Faith and Patience were only part of the lesson to be learned. I am learning that you cannot just have faith. You must act upon that faith. You must know that the Lord will bless you but that isn't enough. You still have to ask for those blessings. You have to act like the Lord doesn't know what you want. (Sorry if that doesn't make sense).

8. Humility is a great lesson, but it's better when you are not the one learning it. It stinks to be forced to learn humility. I used to think I was humble, but the Lord showed me otherwise.

9. The Lord's time is not my time. "Speedily" to the Lord does not mean today or tomorrow, like it does in my perfect world.

10. No matter what, My family and I are very, very, very blessed. We are blessed for the trials we are experiencing and we will be stronger as a family when this is over.

11. I married an exceptionally wonderful man. He has been so supportive during this whole thing. He had faith when I didn't and has allowed me (within limits) to sob and cry. I'm very lucky (although his 5 year rolling plan for what to do if I die is still in effect - I said he's wonderful, not perfect).